"If its a boy, you should red shirt him"

I didn't understand how intense the conversation about delaying kindergarten was until I was pregnant with my first child. We were due in September and the state we grew up in, and where most of our family still lived at the time, the birthday cut off was the last day of September. We started telling family we were pregnant in the first trimester. We heard the typical responses you would expect:

"Congratulations!"

"We are so happy for you!"

"Wow you are pretty young" (I was 24)

"How long have you been married?" (2 years at that point)

But the one that surprised us the most. Especially because it was said multiple times in the first conversation with people was:

"If it is a boy, You should Red Shirt him"

I was blown away and uncomfortable with this. I laughed it off and then was so relieved when we moved to Missouri when I was 28 weeks pregnant. Missouri's age cut off was August 1. I wasn't going to have to make this decision that apparently could "ruin my child's future". The state did it for me. Yay!

We eventually moved to Georgia before my oldest started Kindergarten. The cut off for Georgia is later than Missouri but my oldest still missed it by 16 days so I still didn't need to make this decision yet.

Then she started Kindergarten and I realized that this was not the kindergarten I attended in the 90s. There was no play centers. Rest time was 15 minutes and stopped after the first month. Students had a 15 minute snack and walk in the morning and a 20 minute recess after lunch. Besides that these 5 and 6 year olds were expected to sit still and pay attention all day. We lucked out and got the only "old school" teacher who fought the school to allow the students to have a 15 minute Centers time which had to include stem related toys, she got the doll house approved because it helps build interpersonal skills with role playing. Basically kindergarten has turned into what 1st grade used to be. I watched my daughter who loved preschool, who role played school at home, who was happy and bright and used to cry on days she didn't have school turn into a child who cried when it was time to leave for school. She came home and had meltdowns everyday for 3 months. It was because she was tired and had worked so hard all day to "be good and sit still" that all the the emotions and built up tension exploded. Sometimes it exploded on the walk home in front of the rest of our neighborhood. My cute, skipping, dancing little girl with pigtails turned into a fire breathing dragon. The same thing happened when we started first grade, I call it the school adjustment period. lots of big emotions and change of routines. First grade was better and the adjustment was much shorter, only 2 weeks.

Very early into Kindergarten year I realized that I would be delaying Kindergarten for both of my boys. I am not delaying because they are boys. I am delaying because I want them to be kids for a little bit longer. I want them to have an extra year to spend the day jumping in puddles or building towers of blocks. Kid 3 has a birthday at the end of July. School here starts August 1 so delaying him is considered normal and the school recommends it when you are registering for kindergarten. But Kid 2 has a birthday in May. He turned 5 last week. We get mixed responses when this is brought up. But our decision is not just based on the Kindergarten year. We are looking ahead to middle school when emotions are volatile and puberty is in full swing. Being a bit older than his peers may help this transition time. We are looking to high school when peer pressure influences most things and being a bit older might lend some maturity to his decisions. We are looking at graduation and the continuing on to independence either at college or some other path. Having that extra year at home will hopefully give him confidence to land on his feet when he is on his own. 

So, I get one more year with my snugly, loving boy. Our home school choice means he will be with me all  day everyday. I am getting more and more excited about this as time goes on. He is the typical middle child and I think this extra year could be the best thing that has ever happened to both him and me.