A funny thing about parenting. If you say you will never do something the Universe will laugh at you and prove you wrong.
"I will never use formula"- Here is a baby that cant latch
"I will never cloth diaper"- Oh you cant breastfeed. Formula and diapers are expensive.
"I will never bedshare"- Here is your second child that will only sleep if held
I
learned pretty quick to not make definitive statements about parenting
choices. I also became less judgemental about other peoples parenting
choices.
I apparently did not learn my lesson
completely though. I have said many times over the last 8 years of
parenting that I would never homeschool. What is funny is that while I
would say it I would flirt with the idea of homeschooling.
I
have two big reasons why I didn't want to homeschool. I wasn't making a
sweeping uninformed statement. I have so many friends who homeschool
and are amazing parents and teachers. I am in awe of their ability and I
just could not see myself filling that role.
The
first reason was a lack of confidence in myself. There is one large
reason but the rest of it is just a self confidence issue. I have always
suspected that I have dyslexia. In the last year that suspicion has
turned to a knowing, though I have not had a formal test done and I
wont. I always knew I had very bad fluency. I love to read and I
realized a few years ago that I read every sentence 2-3 times, it is
something I automatically do. I now know why I do that. I use the first
time to decode the words and then the second time to comprehend. Fantasy
books (my favorite type of book) often have made up words that I have
not memorized making the process of decoding harder and so I often need 3
times to comprehend. When my oldest started Kindergarten and I started
to actively try to help her read things I realized I did not know how to
sound out words. I have memorized every word I know. These aspects lead
me to not have the confidence to teach my children how to read. If I
cant properly sound out words how can I teach them. I have done so much
dyslexia research in the last 2 years. I believe my lack of confidence
in most things stems from my dyslexia. My research has taught me small
things I do are because of dyslexia, things I thought were normal or
just quirks of mine. I also know now that I could outsource that part of
learning. If we continue homeschool past this coming school year we
will outsource to a Orton-Gillingham tutor.
The second
reason is that I am very introverted and have social anxiety. My
friends will all be surprised to hear that because I have worked very
hard to continually put myself in social situations. But I am most
comfortable being in my house and not leaving. This has 2 impacts on a
homeschool situation. The first is getting social interaction for your
children. I would need to constantly fight my nature to push us to leave
the house. We have also moved several times and each time I have to
build that network of friends. My friends I have in this city are all
moms of kids that were in my daughters kindergarten class. A formal
school is an easier way to make friends in a new city. We lived here for
over a year before I met these women, most of whom all live within a
half mile of my house. I tried so hard to put myself out there in that
first year, I went to groups and activities and I was stressed beyond
belief the whole time. But something clicked with these women and I am
so thankful. I would not have this small village of support if it was
not for the public school. The other side of this introverted aspect is
that it is very hard to be introverted at home with 3 children all day. I
love them dearly but the constant touching and talking is hard to
handle. The small break I get when my kids are at school is very helpful
for my mental health. All of my children do not go to school at the
same time and the youngest is only 1 so I am never truely alone but nap
times are the small break I need. I fully subscribe to the fact that I
am a better mom when I have a small amount of "me time". That me time
will be very hard for me to get when homeschooling which quarantine has
shown to me. It is something my husband and I have talked about and we
will continue to work on making sure that I get protected "me time" so
that I can be a better mom.
These are some pretty deep
reasons behind my "I will never homeschool" statement. As with all
things we grow as parents and learn how to cope and manage different
weaknesses we have. I am still scared that I will not be enough and that
I will "mess up" somehow but I feel more prepared now than I would have
a few years ago. I am not going to say we are not homeschooling past
this year but I will also not say that we will always homeschool. We are
going to make school choices each year based on what our children's
need are and what is best for the family.
I know your mom and aunt Diane. We were friends in middle school and high school. I was a homeschooling mom. I decided when Kid 1 could do amazing work and do it quickly, when he had no distractions. We had done private school and public school by the time he was finishing 2nd grade. Kid 2 had finished Kindergarten, but had not appeared to even accomplish writing her name. I took it upon myself, after some concerning indicators, to the eye doctor. She was tested and her vision was 20/800...nearly blind in one eye. Kid 3 was preschool age. And Kid 4 was just a twinkle in God's eyes.
ReplyDeleteWhen we made the decision to homeschool, it was not made lightly. I had 3 years of college, but knew that according to VA I could still homeschool. I only knew 2 other homeschool families. They were both using religious exemption and I really didn't want to go down that path. We did use a Christian curriculum that matched our faith. It had pre-made lesson plans...BONUS FOR ME! I found later on that they had truly unreal expectations and way too much "busy work". We trudged along for that year and in the fall they all went to private school. There was no internet, Teachers Pay Teachers and the many other resources that are there today. When number four came along (he is one week older than your youngest sister. They even had play dates) he was a worrier. He worried about everything. But we didn't realize just how bad it had become until at the age of 6 he was diagnosed with an ulcer. At this point #1 was in college,#2 was homeschooled under the supervision of the private school she had previously attended. Number 3 chose private and #4 was in public school.Now #2 has graduated and has been accepted at the same college her brother attended out of state. We chose to move to that state to get away from DC. When we started talking to #3 and #4 it was plain to see that #4 was never going back to public school. It caused him way too much anxiety. So, for the remainder of his school years, he was homeschooled. After one year of homeschooling #3 decided hed rather take on the teachers at school rather than moms wrath when he didn't complete work. He had done just enough, but I made him repeat 10th grade. If I had all of it to do over again, I honestly don't know what I would do. I think #2 and #4 would have been my only total homeschoolers. It will test your patience beyond belief. One thing you might be able to do to get your me time during nap, is to make busy bags or boxes that have fun, quiet activities that can be done with little to no instructions. They pick a different one each day and learn to stay in their room and work on their chosen activity. I think only 1.5 of my kids would have done that successfully. Good luck!! You can do this!
Thank you for your comment. We are very excited to start and fully realize that education decisions are made each year for each child and that it is not one size fits all. This will be a year full of challenges but I think it will also be full of blessings too
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