Choosing a Homeschool Philosophy

When we lived in Missouri about half of my friend group was made up of Homeschool parents. I greatly enjoyed watching these friends parent and teach their children. I learned so much about gentle parenting, bringing learning into daily life and homeschool in general.

So when I first decided to homeschool I was familiar with a few different styles because those are ones my friends use. I knew about Unschooling, Waldorf, and Inquiry based learning. I had sent my children to Montessori, Forest and Reggio Emilia preschools so I was familiar with those philosophies in a school setting and knew they could be converted to a home school environment. Based on this prior knowledge I was planning on using a Montessori based learning style.

Then I joined some groups and started hearing all these words I had never heard before.

Charlotte Mason

Classical

Unit Studies

Traditional

Thomas Jefferson.

I'm sure I am forgetting a few. Each time I came across a new philosophy I would start to research and I usually found aspects of the philosophy that resonated with me. My confusion and anxiety started to spike. Making this decision seemed so huge. This is what was going to guide me and help me make future decisions. It would have rules and outlines and when I became lost I could come back to my philosophy. I decided this was the most important decision I needed to make.

Luckily I found a quiz! I love taking quizes. What Hogwarts house are you? What dog breed is your soul mate? What is your love language? If there is a quiz I want to take it. Even those silly quizzes with lots of ads (Buzzfeed I'm looking at you). I found this quiz from Eclectic Homeschooler. She has a more recent quiz with project based and reggio based philosophies added, you can find it here. This was great! Someone else was going to make this decision for me.

Unfortunately, my scores for all of the philosophies were about the same. I took the second test and its results were about the same. That is when I realized that there isn't a scoring system. I don't get in trouble if I have a room set up as a reggio emilia/montessori inspired play space and then do a Unit or Project style lesson. Then focus on learning about Cheetahs because my son wants to learn about them followed by a week of hiking and outdoor exploring. We can pick the parts of the philosophies that work for us and leave off the parts that don't work for us. As long as my children are happy, healthy, learning and thriving we are succeeding. This will be trial and error and what works for one child may not work for another.

So I am doing my own thing and this realization was so freeing. Do you have a homeschool style or philosophy that you follow?

"I will never home school!"

A funny thing about parenting. If you say you will never do something the Universe will laugh at you and prove you wrong.

"I will never use formula"- Here is a baby that cant latch
"I will never cloth diaper"- Oh you cant breastfeed. Formula and diapers are expensive.
"I will never bedshare"- Here is your second child that will only sleep if held

I learned pretty quick to not make definitive statements about parenting choices. I also became less judgemental about other peoples parenting choices.

I apparently did not learn my lesson completely though. I have said many times over the last 8 years of parenting that I would never homeschool. What is funny is that while I would say it I would flirt with the idea of homeschooling.

I have two big reasons why I didn't want to homeschool. I wasn't making a sweeping uninformed statement. I have so many friends who homeschool and are amazing parents and teachers. I am in awe of their ability and I just could not see myself filling that role.

The first reason was a lack of confidence in myself. There is one large reason but the rest of it is just a self confidence issue. I have always suspected that I have dyslexia. In the last year that suspicion has turned to a knowing, though I have not had a formal test done and I wont. I always knew I had very bad fluency. I love to read and I realized a few years ago that I read every sentence 2-3 times, it is something I automatically do. I now know why I do that. I use the first time to decode the words and then the second time to comprehend. Fantasy books (my favorite type of book) often have made up words that I have not memorized making the process of decoding harder and so I often need 3 times to comprehend. When my oldest started Kindergarten and I started to actively try to help her read things I realized I did not know how to sound out words. I have memorized every word I know. These aspects lead me to not have the confidence to teach my children how to read. If I cant properly sound out words how can I teach them. I have done so much dyslexia research in the last 2 years. I believe my lack of confidence in most things stems from my dyslexia.  My research has taught me small things I do are because of dyslexia, things I thought were normal or just quirks of mine. I also know now that I could outsource that part of learning. If we continue homeschool past this coming school year we will outsource to a Orton-Gillingham tutor.

The second reason is that I am very introverted and have social anxiety. My friends will all be surprised to hear that because I have worked very hard to continually put myself in social situations. But I am most comfortable being in my house and not leaving. This has 2 impacts on a homeschool situation. The first is getting social interaction for your children. I would need to constantly fight my nature to push us to leave the house. We have also moved several times and each time I have to build that network of friends. My friends I have in this city are all moms of kids that were in my daughters kindergarten class. A formal school is an easier way to make friends in a new city. We lived here for over a year before I met these women, most of whom all live within a half mile of my house. I tried so hard to put myself out there in that first year, I went to groups and activities and I was stressed beyond belief the whole time. But something clicked with these women and I am so thankful. I would not have this small village of support if it was not for the public school. The other side of this introverted aspect is that it is very hard to be introverted at home with 3 children all day. I love them dearly but the constant touching and talking is hard to handle. The small break I get when my kids are at school is very helpful for my mental health. All of my children do not go to school at the same time and the youngest is only 1 so I am never truely alone but nap times are the small break I need. I fully subscribe to the fact that I am a better mom when I have a small amount of "me time". That me time will be very hard for me to get when homeschooling which quarantine has shown to me. It is something my husband and I have talked about and we will continue to work on making sure that I get protected "me time" so that I can be a better mom.

These are some pretty deep reasons behind my "I will never homeschool" statement. As with all things we grow as parents and learn how to cope and manage different weaknesses we have. I am still scared that I will not be enough and that I will "mess up" somehow but I feel more prepared now than I would have a few years ago. I am not going to say we are not homeschooling past this year but I will also not say that we will always homeschool. We are going to make school choices each year based on what our children's need are and what is best for the family.