"If its a boy, you should red shirt him"

I didn't understand how intense the conversation about delaying kindergarten was until I was pregnant with my first child. We were due in September and the state we grew up in, and where most of our family still lived at the time, the birthday cut off was the last day of September. We started telling family we were pregnant in the first trimester. We heard the typical responses you would expect:

"Congratulations!"

"We are so happy for you!"

"Wow you are pretty young" (I was 24)

"How long have you been married?" (2 years at that point)

But the one that surprised us the most. Especially because it was said multiple times in the first conversation with people was:

"If it is a boy, You should Red Shirt him"

I was blown away and uncomfortable with this. I laughed it off and then was so relieved when we moved to Missouri when I was 28 weeks pregnant. Missouri's age cut off was August 1. I wasn't going to have to make this decision that apparently could "ruin my child's future". The state did it for me. Yay!

We eventually moved to Georgia before my oldest started Kindergarten. The cut off for Georgia is later than Missouri but my oldest still missed it by 16 days so I still didn't need to make this decision yet.

Then she started Kindergarten and I realized that this was not the kindergarten I attended in the 90s. There was no play centers. Rest time was 15 minutes and stopped after the first month. Students had a 15 minute snack and walk in the morning and a 20 minute recess after lunch. Besides that these 5 and 6 year olds were expected to sit still and pay attention all day. We lucked out and got the only "old school" teacher who fought the school to allow the students to have a 15 minute Centers time which had to include stem related toys, she got the doll house approved because it helps build interpersonal skills with role playing. Basically kindergarten has turned into what 1st grade used to be. I watched my daughter who loved preschool, who role played school at home, who was happy and bright and used to cry on days she didn't have school turn into a child who cried when it was time to leave for school. She came home and had meltdowns everyday for 3 months. It was because she was tired and had worked so hard all day to "be good and sit still" that all the the emotions and built up tension exploded. Sometimes it exploded on the walk home in front of the rest of our neighborhood. My cute, skipping, dancing little girl with pigtails turned into a fire breathing dragon. The same thing happened when we started first grade, I call it the school adjustment period. lots of big emotions and change of routines. First grade was better and the adjustment was much shorter, only 2 weeks.

Very early into Kindergarten year I realized that I would be delaying Kindergarten for both of my boys. I am not delaying because they are boys. I am delaying because I want them to be kids for a little bit longer. I want them to have an extra year to spend the day jumping in puddles or building towers of blocks. Kid 3 has a birthday at the end of July. School here starts August 1 so delaying him is considered normal and the school recommends it when you are registering for kindergarten. But Kid 2 has a birthday in May. He turned 5 last week. We get mixed responses when this is brought up. But our decision is not just based on the Kindergarten year. We are looking ahead to middle school when emotions are volatile and puberty is in full swing. Being a bit older than his peers may help this transition time. We are looking to high school when peer pressure influences most things and being a bit older might lend some maturity to his decisions. We are looking at graduation and the continuing on to independence either at college or some other path. Having that extra year at home will hopefully give him confidence to land on his feet when he is on his own. 

So, I get one more year with my snugly, loving boy. Our home school choice means he will be with me all  day everyday. I am getting more and more excited about this as time goes on. He is the typical middle child and I think this extra year could be the best thing that has ever happened to both him and me.

"I will never home school!"

A funny thing about parenting. If you say you will never do something the Universe will laugh at you and prove you wrong.

"I will never use formula"- Here is a baby that cant latch
"I will never cloth diaper"- Oh you cant breastfeed. Formula and diapers are expensive.
"I will never bedshare"- Here is your second child that will only sleep if held

I learned pretty quick to not make definitive statements about parenting choices. I also became less judgemental about other peoples parenting choices.

I apparently did not learn my lesson completely though. I have said many times over the last 8 years of parenting that I would never homeschool. What is funny is that while I would say it I would flirt with the idea of homeschooling.

I have two big reasons why I didn't want to homeschool. I wasn't making a sweeping uninformed statement. I have so many friends who homeschool and are amazing parents and teachers. I am in awe of their ability and I just could not see myself filling that role.

The first reason was a lack of confidence in myself. There is one large reason but the rest of it is just a self confidence issue. I have always suspected that I have dyslexia. In the last year that suspicion has turned to a knowing, though I have not had a formal test done and I wont. I always knew I had very bad fluency. I love to read and I realized a few years ago that I read every sentence 2-3 times, it is something I automatically do. I now know why I do that. I use the first time to decode the words and then the second time to comprehend. Fantasy books (my favorite type of book) often have made up words that I have not memorized making the process of decoding harder and so I often need 3 times to comprehend. When my oldest started Kindergarten and I started to actively try to help her read things I realized I did not know how to sound out words. I have memorized every word I know. These aspects lead me to not have the confidence to teach my children how to read. If I cant properly sound out words how can I teach them. I have done so much dyslexia research in the last 2 years. I believe my lack of confidence in most things stems from my dyslexia.  My research has taught me small things I do are because of dyslexia, things I thought were normal or just quirks of mine. I also know now that I could outsource that part of learning. If we continue homeschool past this coming school year we will outsource to a Orton-Gillingham tutor.

The second reason is that I am very introverted and have social anxiety. My friends will all be surprised to hear that because I have worked very hard to continually put myself in social situations. But I am most comfortable being in my house and not leaving. This has 2 impacts on a homeschool situation. The first is getting social interaction for your children. I would need to constantly fight my nature to push us to leave the house. We have also moved several times and each time I have to build that network of friends. My friends I have in this city are all moms of kids that were in my daughters kindergarten class. A formal school is an easier way to make friends in a new city. We lived here for over a year before I met these women, most of whom all live within a half mile of my house. I tried so hard to put myself out there in that first year, I went to groups and activities and I was stressed beyond belief the whole time. But something clicked with these women and I am so thankful. I would not have this small village of support if it was not for the public school. The other side of this introverted aspect is that it is very hard to be introverted at home with 3 children all day. I love them dearly but the constant touching and talking is hard to handle. The small break I get when my kids are at school is very helpful for my mental health. All of my children do not go to school at the same time and the youngest is only 1 so I am never truely alone but nap times are the small break I need. I fully subscribe to the fact that I am a better mom when I have a small amount of "me time". That me time will be very hard for me to get when homeschooling which quarantine has shown to me. It is something my husband and I have talked about and we will continue to work on making sure that I get protected "me time" so that I can be a better mom.

These are some pretty deep reasons behind my "I will never homeschool" statement. As with all things we grow as parents and learn how to cope and manage different weaknesses we have. I am still scared that I will not be enough and that I will "mess up" somehow but I feel more prepared now than I would have a few years ago. I am not going to say we are not homeschooling past this year but I will also not say that we will always homeschool. We are going to make school choices each year based on what our children's need are and what is best for the family.

Stuff about me

This is the post about me in case you care about any of this stuff. Im in my early 30s. I met my husband in college and we have been married 10 years and we have 3 kids. I have a bachelors degree in Human Nutrition, Foods and Exercise. I ended up being a personal trainer and fitness instructor after college. It wasn't the plan but it was the job I could get. When my oldest child was born I went part time and was the primary care giver. When my second child turned 6 months old I quit and became a full time stay at home mom.

I am obsessed with coffee. I drink it all day, everyday. I love to read. My favorite genre is Fantasy and science fiction. Though I have been known to fall in the kindle unlimited trashy romance hole.  My main parenting philosophy is Survival! I tend to workout a lot and I live in leggings. Besides that there is not much else that is interesting about me.